A New Perspective On Going With The Flow
At the top of every year, people generally flock to vision board parties, goal setting teachings, and even adopt the New Year, New Me mantra. Many are excited about the new year and its possibilities, but few count the cost of what it really takes to manifest the vision.
How much will you have to sacrifice?
Who do you have to become?
How selfless are you really prepared to be?
How is your discipline?
Without counting the cost, those excited in January fall off by March, and the gym goes back to normal. (If you're a gym regular, then you know what this means). So while there is a new year, there is not a new "me." In fact, the old me is still there, threatening to stagnate the future.
As we entered January 2023, I thought heavily about setting some impossible goals for myself, which is not uncommon. What is unusual is my lack of desire to do so. As an over-achiever and recovering control freak, I've decided to embrace my soft girl season fully, and it surprisingly started with giving my entire year to God.
I want to share with you three reasons why I don't have self-appointed goals for this year, and why you should reconsider yours.
Surviveland to Thriveland
II've lived in survival for the majority of my life. Coming from Chicago's inner-city, it was not uncommon for me to fight for safety, well-being, and acceptance. That was my reality for 18 years until I left for college. Yet, even in college, I found myself striving for everything. I worked 2-3 jobs while taking a full course load. I rushed to the finish line of everything I did and often found myself exhausted and unfulfilled. While I did everything I wanted to do and more, I was often left empty. Survival will do that to you.
Last year, I started taking inventory of my habits and noticed that while I'm no longer in a place where I have to survive, that mentality is deeply engrained in me. I rush when I don't have to. I'm generally in competition with a ghost. I keep going and going and going for no reason. It was unhealthy, and it needed to stop before it killed me. A change had to happen. I needed to shift. Moving from survival to thrival (intentional spelling) requires that I get off the hamster wheel and stop running.
*Que Mooski's song "Trackstar"*
Since I'm intentional about living a soft life, I must rest in the land that I currently occupy, which is thriving, and that means I have to take off my tennis shoes (gym shoes if you're from Chicago) and walk at a manageable pace.
No one is chasing me. I am safe.
Unrealistic Goals and Timelines
I'm sure I'm the only one this applies to, but I've noticed that many of them are unrealistic when I set goals. As an overachiever, recovering control freak, and people-pleaser, I've tended to set goals and corresponding timelines to prove things to myself and the world. In a way, I wanted to prove that I was good enough. Smart enough. Worthy enough. This revelation came to me in therapy one day. Ultimately, because I'm accustomed to the hard life, I subconsciously seek it out.
No pain, no gain. Blah.
When something feels too easy, I subconsciously pile things on my plate and then complain about its weight. This is terrible behavior. This behavior could kill me, so I decided to no longer superimpose this type of treatment on myself. I know some of my goals are unrealistic when I set them, but that doesn't stop me. Do you know what threatens to destroy me? The disappointment I feel when I don't meet them. I have a real tendency to be my worst critic, which is why I'm going to chill and go with the flow.
God's Plans, Not Mine
This is the most important one. Being on the other side of a year and a half of grief and pain has altered my perspective on accepting God's plans. In a recent live, I spoke candidly about my last season, which I thought I'd never survive. Long story short, I survived and now have a new attitude (in my Patti Labelle voice).
When I stack my calendar with my plans and then bring them to God--if at all--I notice that I'm upset when He starts crossing things off that don't align with His will for my life. Honestly, I don't think my plans are ever far off from what He wants for me, but we generally don't agree on the timing of things. As a result of my historical irritation concerning His plans, I've noticed a resistance rise in me. For the sake of honesty, let's call it pride. When pride takes center stage in my life, I'm not sure which way I will sway, and that's not what I want for my life.
This year, I want God's plans. Period. I want us to be so aligned that when I speak, hell can't tell if it's Jesus or me. I want to be in God's perfect will, so I grab my planner daily and ask Him to teach me to number my days. It isn't easy because much unlearning is happening, but I am less stressed and more joyous.
Just ask my friends, lol.
That's It!
Those are the reasons why I decided not to create a laundry list of goals this year. We all sense we are in a transitional moment, but few will successfully make the transition because of their plans. I pray that you submit your days unto God so that He may prosper you beyond your wildest dreams.
If you haven't already, I want you to grab a copy of my ebook, Trusting the Process. This year, you'll be making a lot of hard and significant decisions and you must trust God's leading.