As Valentine's Day approaches, most humans are in a love mindset. It's no secret that many of us long to share love with another human.
It is not uncommon, nor does it mean one doesn't love themselves. We are called to love one another. It is warped into our very way of being.
Many of us fear experiencing a genuine connection because we're afraid to be seen. Yes, you can attribute it to traumas, past experiences, and so forth, but many of us don't have it because we're afraid to believe we're worth it. It's worth it, and you're worth it. If we're to pull back the layers of accolades and performative actions, we'll see that we're just little ones trying to navigate a life we have no way of fully controlling.
Story time. I remember looking for love in all of the wrong places and faces. I know. We've all been there.
I looked for it outside the lines created to keep my heart safe. If you're picking up what I'm putting down, you can definitely relate. I looked for love through my passions and creativity. After realizing I no longer wanted to act upon those habits, I prayed a scary prayer. I asked God to help me maximize my singleness. And you know what? He answered that one fast.
My phone was dry. There were no compliments or possible prospects. I was focused on the wrong things, and He helped me see them. I then asked God to help me be a good friend. Whew! That's the one.
We all think we're good friends until we're met with different perspectives and accountability. Oop! Gottem! Are you still with me? I promise I'm going somewhere.
Now, it's known that everyone is not called to be your friend. However, we are called to love our neighbor. I may have missed that fact at some point in my life. If we had things in common and shared a few good chuckles, then we're friends in my head. I had to learn relational intelligence to properly filter my connections. This may be easy for some people, but it's easy to fall into this trap when you're a bit extroverted and goofy.
Charge it to my head and not my heart.
After learning relational intelligence, I had to understand grace. Why? We all grow at a different pace. More importantly, everyone's journey is different. That's a fact. I saw love through my actual friends giving me grace. As I struggled to give grace where there was a difference in opinions and habits, I slowly began to recognize the grace I was given. Grace is a crucial element in relationships, fostering understanding and compassion.
There were times when I struggled with responding to life's thorns. I would become a recluse. I became judgmental because I focused on fixing my thorns so I would remain perfect. (That's a story for another time.)
My friends' grace did not include an account of wrongdoings. There was some accountability, but it was also coupled with unconditional love. I often wondered how a tribe of people could embrace all of me without any impure motive—only love.
Then it hit me. I didn't believe I deserved to be loved with my specific set of flaws.
This is why most of us lead with our accolades, income, and businesses. We don't like to be seen. To share our love with another, we have to be vulnerable. It takes immense courage to be vulnerable, and that does not equate to perfection, so you can let go of those performative actions.
I urge you to exercise courage and be vulnerable within your community.
Love is waiting to do life with you.
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