First, I want to start by saying thank you for your support, whether privately or publicly. I'll be the first to admit that vulnerability is not easy, especially in front of strangers. However, I know the power of vulnerability and humility, and I would rather you admire those traits in me than anything else.
As we near the middle of June, I can't help but reflect on where I was just two short weeks ago. I was tired, toiling, and frustrated. I was doing everything right, but my heart was wrong toward God. As I mentioned before, I thought God would use me because I was obedient, which opened the door to resentment. I resented the limelight He was giving me. I resented the new pressure that comes with elevation. I resented it all, but I was willing to be obedient. Needless to say, I was in a dangerous place a few weeks ago.
I've been in a better place since intentionally focusing on relating to God as Father. Things are easier for me now. I no longer feel the specific pressures that I once did. I no longer feel the need to succeed because I can see how easy success is when we intentionally seek God first.
But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. (Matthew 6:33)
I no longer feel the need to "figure it out."
I will teach you and tell you the way to go and how to get there; I will give you good counsel, and I will watch over you. (Psalm 32:8)
While nothing has changed in my life, things are better because I've had a paradigm shift. I know you know how quickly our thoughts turn on us.
As of late, more times than not, I've just been laying back in my Father's embrace and telling Him that "I'll follow." To be a natural leader and one many look to for guidance and insight, the words "I'll follow" are naturally foreign to me. However, they are becoming better and better as I journey with God. I'm not the leader of my life, He is. My life is not mine, it's His, He bought it.
I used to hear people tell me I needed to take the pressure off myself, but they could never tell me how. I now know that the only way we can take the pressure off and take up God's burden (Matthew 11:30) is to abide in the unchanging love that God gives us as Father.
But I've tasted and now see that the Lord, our Father, is good.
Things are much easier now because I'm allowing them to be. It is my hope that you allow things to get easier in your life, too, by abiding in the pure and never failing love of the Father.