How The Relationship w/My Mother Got Better
The Hard Work That Is Worth The Payoff
Today on YouTube, I revealed four steps I took to begin healing the relationship with my mother. While we haven't always had the best relationship, we have a great one now.
It was hard.
We both did our work.
We are reaping the results.
When attempting to mend any relationship, two people must do what is necessary for the relationship's health. So, while I can't tell you all my mother did on her end, I can tell you the steps I took to do my part.
Here's What I Did.
I had to decide if I wanted the relationship and why
This meant that I had to assess the value of the relationship. Not where we were but what I needed that only she could provide me. Since God wires us for need, I knew I needed my mother but wasn’t sure how to need her anymore.
I had to go to therapy
For the sake of my mental health, my mother’s mental health, and the future health of the relationship, I went to therapy to discuss my mother wounds. Since I no longer wanted to talk about what she didn’t do but wanted to gain insight on how to move forward, therapy was necessary.
I had to want to know her as a woman
Parents don’t always get to share their side of the story, so the children are often left to fill in the blanks, which is not always helpful. In my adulthood, I had to want to hear my mother’s story because you never really know someone until you know what hurts, their failures, their disappointments, etc.
I had to decide to forgive and move on
When you refuse to move forward, you hold yourself hostage to a place in time that no longer exists but continues to harm you. My decision to move on was about me and the value of the relationship.