Updated: Feb 3
How I Became More Confident Over The Years
People often compliment me on the clarity with which I speak. But, fascinatingly, rarely, if ever, do they realize that gaining confidence in myself helped me to become more clear about who I am and where I'm going. So I always have to direct them to that critical fact.
No one gets clear about their lives or confident in themselves just by wishing for it.
You have to do the complicated and often ugly work to gain clarity around your life, but it is the work that keeps on giving positive results.
"There's power in allowing yourself to be known and heard, in owning your unique story, in using your authentic voice. And there's grace in being willing to know and hear others." - Michelle Obama
Here are 3 Confidence-Producing steps that have helped me over the years. Feel free to take what you need.
Strategy #1 - Be Honest
"We must cease being participants in our own oppression.” - Stacey Abrams
Are you lying to yourself about anything?
Are you lying to God about anything?
These are two sobering questions that I had to ask myself. The truth is that I spent the majority of my life lying to myself. I lied about what I thought I deserved and who I said I was. While I would allow my mouth would rattle off all these beautiful things to people, I didn't believe them, and my life reflected what I believed. I was insecure. I was hurt. I was angry, and deep down, I knew this.
Being honest with yourself is vital because it helps you recognize your strengths and weaknesses, understand who you are, and make informed decisions. Honesty allows you to be authentic and true to yourself and to live your life with integrity. Additionally, it encourages self-reflection and growth, leading to healthier relationships, improved mental health, and a greater sense of overall well-being. I need you to understand that honesty with yourself is necessary to have healthy self-esteem and a positive outlook on life.
When you lie to yourself and God, you threaten to participate in your own oppression.
Strategy #2 - Do Your Identity Work
“It’s pretty hard for the Lord to guide you if you haven’t made up your mind which way to go.” - Madam CJ Walker
How can you make sound decisions about your life when you don't know who you are? I'm guilty of attempting to do this, and I made a mess of my life and threatened to do the same to those around me. Making decisions from a faulty foundation is like trying to make life decisions for a stranger. That's really who you are when you don't clearly understand who you are. You are a phantom making decisions for a real human being, and that human being is you.
I've said this before, but knowing who you are helps you build self-confidence, self-worth, and identity. It allows you to understand your values, strengths, and weaknesses and gives you a clear understanding of what makes you unique. When you know who you are, you can make better decisions, build healthier relationships, and pursue goals that align with your values and beliefs. Ultimately, knowing who you are can lead to greater self-awareness and fulfillment.
Strategy #3 - Allow Therapy To Work For You
“Courage is the most important of all the virtues because without courage, you can’t practice any other virtue consistently.” - Maya Angelou
You need Jesus, community, and therapy. Generally, believers only have Jesus, or community, or Jesus and community, but many refuse to prioritize therapy. Additionally, therapy carries a negative mental health stigma in Black communities, but I disagree. Therapy is for the responsible. Therapy is for the brave. Before I started therapy in 2020, I knew something was still wrong but couldn't really put my finger on it. While I was four years into my relationship with Christ and had done my identity work, I knew I had neglected an area of my life. I also knew that if I were ever to become who God created me to be, I could no longer succeed over the trauma. I had to face it. It felt like my life was falling apart again, but it was coming together with great intentionality.
Therapy is an essential tool for self-care and personal growth because it can help to address difficult feelings and experiences, process emotions, and provide a safe space to gain insight and understanding. Therapy can also be beneficial in developing positive coping strategies, managing stress, improving communication skills, and resolving conflicts. It can be an effective way to increase self-awareness and foster personal growth.
Meet me on YouTube on February 9th, 5pm PST