The Life My Words Built

I wanted to take a step back from the informational posts to write something more personal. While the information I’m sharing is valuable for the Kingdom framework I’ve been working through for quite some time, it’s equally important to share updates on this challenge and how words have literally impacted my life.

If you’ve been following me for a while, then you know that I moved to Texas in 2023, resigned from my career in 2024, and cried my whole way through. You also understand that this was a faith move and not one that I was necessarily thrilled about. From June 2024 to roughly August/September 2025, I struggled immensely. There were times when I wasn’t sure that I’d see another day because of the pressure that I was under. There were days when I stayed in bed with the blinds drawn. And then there were those moments when I questioned everything, including whether I was still a believer.

I’ve been honest about this on YouTube and TikTok because I’ve felt that sometimes believers sanitize their journeys to give themselves a better testimony. Essentially, I felt that many people were faking the funk and lying to make themselves “look” more holy. I didn’t want to do that. I wanted to show you, albeit uncomfortably, the ugliness of faith and following God. I wanted you to see how dangerous this journey could be while still taking one step at a time. I didn’t know where I was going when I made the initial (internal) decision/agreement to leave my career at the end of the 2022 Let There Be challenge. Though I didn’t know much of anything, I did see that it was time.

Let’s fast forward a bit.

I took a break from YouTube because my heart wasn’t in it. Essentially, I was trying to obey my way through a season of extreme grief because I thought that if I could keep showing up, then the words in our sacred book would take care of the rest. But that didn’t happen. I couldn’t spiritually bypass this time. So rather than continue to teach over the truth of my life, I just decided to settle into it. I decided to stop “trying” and just BE. To be honest, that was the hardest thing for a recovering people-pleaser and achiever. It was hard to settle into the understanding that, whether I turned on a camera or not, I was still enough and on time for whatever God wanted to do.

In late August of this year, I decided it was time to live again, and it all started with a trip to Napa for Labor Day weekend. Up until that point, I was tight with money, gripping it as if my life depended on it, because part of me didn’t believe that God would ever come through for me. My thought was because of this timeline:

Dec 2022: I internally agreed to leave my career

Jan 2023: I felt the urge to move to Texas

March 2023: I looked for places in Texas

July 2023: I moved to Texas

Sep 2023: Had a verbal conversation about resigning

Nov 2023: Had an official conversation about resigning

Dec 2023: Resignation submitted

June 2024: Last working day, meaning no more money

April 2025: Bank account $35, crash out time

June 2025: Bank account $10k, using gifts and talents

Aug 2025: Close out investments to stay afloat

Sep 2025: Brand deals start slowly rolling in

Oct 2025: Brand deals trickle

Nov 2025: The floodgates opened

As you can see, there was a llllooonnngggg time between my initial decision to obey God and Him actually coming through. So when I said that I didn’t believe God would come through for me, that’s why. Somehow, though, the decision to go to Napa started to change things. When I returned, I told myself that I would live. Now I’m not talking about day by day, but about experiencing all that life has to offer. I said that I would take the trips, meet the people, and give myself a chance at happiness again.

This was early September.

By October, I was in Lisbon, Portugal, dilly dallying. Shortly after that, I was in Chicago visiting family, went to an NBA game the next week, and I just got back from Jacksonville a few days ago. And guess what? I’m headed out of the country again this month. I know you’re probably wondering why I’m saying this, right?

Well, if you haven’t caught on yet, I’m showing you how I said something, and then opportunities presented themselves to allow what I decided to come to pass. Did I know where the money would come from or where I would travel to when I made the initial decision? No. Call it delusion or call it faith, but the truth was that I made a decision and worried about the details later.

Wait, I have another example.

At the height of my YouTube days, I was very vocal about a hobby I preferred over teaching the Bible. If you followed me on Instagram when I was super active back then, you know that I was into fashion and wigs. On the one hand, making fashion content served as a creative outlet from my career. On the other hand, it gave me space to return to a childhood dream I had once set aside because survival forced me to. In my day (lol), no one was making it out of the hood doing fashion stuff. With this in mind, I knew the only way to make it out was through education, and I went as far as possible.

Though I wanted to be a teacher — was born a teacher—I never dreamed of becoming a college professor. It just happened because I wanted to get out of Chicago, and education was the road of least resistance. I ended up in grad school because I didn’t have a plan after undergrad and just kept going because I was good at it. However, I never forgot the little girl who used to draw women with different hairstyles and clothes on when I was on punishment. I never forgot her interests, even as she took the backseat to the intellectual black woman that I became.

So what does this have to do with words?

Well, when I was heavy on YouTube, I used to say openly, “I don’t want to do this. I'd rather be sitting on a beach and trying on wigs.” While I probably shouldn’t have been saying that, it was the truth. I wanted to be a leader in the beauty industry, but I couldn’t figure out how to get there from where I was. Deep down, I genuinely believe that our beauty as women glorifies God. I never wanted us to forget that in the search or pursuit of other things. I didn’t want to forget it.

But it wasn’t time...yet.

Over the last few months, God has been reminding me of the desires I had as a child, as they relate to this story, as well as the words I spoke in previous years. And the reason He has been reminding me of those things is that they are my reality. I am a brand ambassador for several brands, I’ve been featured in several campaigns, and my name has landed on the desks of some truly incredible people. This is how I’ve been sustaining myself for the most part over the last few months. To some, this may seem silly, and I get that. I went from being a tenure-track English professor to a wig/beauty influencer.

This is why I teach the Challenge the way I do because it is a lived pattern, and because every time I’ve spoken with conviction, life has risen to meet me.

Want to know what’s wild about this though?

This is how I’ve managed to buy back my time and purpose, so I’ll never have to work for money again.

I guess I live a life of leisure now, but I must be clear by saying that it cost me.

I let you see what I had to give up.

I let you see me struggle forward, though I didn’t know where I was going.

I let you see God’s word be a lamp unto my feet, though the lamp was dim.

I let you see everything because I never wanted anyone to ask me how I did something. I wanted to show, in real-time, me doing.

I am doing it now because the words that were once seeds watered with my tears are now in full bloom. I'm actually living the life my words built.

I hope this encourages you.

More soon,

B

P.S. I run an academic substack that also pays me to do the same things that I was doing in academia: same goal, more ease, more joy, more reach.

This is why we speak.

This is why we decree.

This is why we live inside our words because Heaven honors alignment, and the earth responds to identity.

Napa, California | Labor Day Weekend 2025