When I was first saved, praise and worship was my favorite part of church and time spent with God. As a natural praiser, I wasn't too shocked by this. What shocked me was when the desire left.
I can't pinpoint the exact moment when it happened, but I've noticed its absence for some time now. Since I didn't know when it happened, I wasn't sure how to return to that place in God.
The place where I wanted to spend time with Him. Not out of duty but out of love.
Out of desire.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that for the last few months (more like a year), I've been trying and failing to bring God the sacrifice of praise as Hebrews 11:15 instructs:
Through Him, therefore, let us at all times offer up to God a sacrifice of praise, which is the fruit of lips that thankfully acknowledge and confess and glorify His name. (AMP)
And while I've been going through the motions, I wasn't able to break through a noticeable wall.
The wall was disappointment.
I know there's a song that goes something like, "You're never gonna let me down," but there have been times when I felt like God did let me down. There were long periods when I felt like He forgot about me. There were moments when I felt His chastisement was too extreme for my fragile heart.
As a result, disappointment (and maybe resentment) started to set in deep within me.
Disappointment means "to fail to meet the expectation or hope."
We've all heard people tell us to expect God to move in our lives, but what happens when He doesn't? What happens when we expect Him to do things based on the resumé He provides in the Bible, and He doesn't live up to those expectations?
I'm no stranger to disappointment, but I never really thought that it could quite literally steal the fruit of my lips. Yes, I would show up to our time together with every intention to offer the sacrifice of praise, but disappointment just kept pushing me down. Forcefully.
Stealing my voice. Punking me into silence.
As you know, I've been intentionally fasting since May 31st as an offensive strategy. I'm not fighting these days, and things have been so easy lately. I haven't had to struggle against anything. I haven't had to fight.
I've just had to be okay with being a daughter.
And yesterday, my praise came back.
It wasn't anything dramatic or anything when I noticed it. In fact, I was driving to the post office, and the songs started flowing easily. This morning, the same thing happened.
When I started this journey, I told God that I needed Him to take care of me as a mother would care for an infant. I wanted to be His child again, not a battle axe.
I wanted to be a daddy's girl.
And one of the first things He restored was my praise and desire for Him as my father.
Friends, this is the fascinating part of my soft life journey.
My father will take care of me.
My father will rescue me.
My father stands with me.
I am God's daughter who His under His divine and peculiar protection.
Daughter in the Greek means "acceptable to God," "rejoicing in God's peculiar care and protection."
Now I know why hell fights God's daughters so much.
When we were born, we were born acceptable and under the unusual care and protection of God. I want to repeat that.
We were born acceptable.
When the enemy fights us, it's to get us to move away from God's protection. And why would the enemy do that?
To destroy us.
May you get back under God's protective care and may He reinstate your worship.