Do You Trust God?

Why would you obey someone you don’t trust?  Take time to think about that question as it relates to you and God. Examine your relationship with Him.  

I don’t want to share my own answer, but I hope it’ll help someone else. Many hide behind saying the right words, acting the right way, putting on the smile that all is well, and then feeling alone in our pain. So, this is a moment to be vulnerable and encourage you. You aren’t alone.   

At first, I was offended that someone would even ask me that question. I was hurt because I had been going through the motions, trying so hard to make sure I’m doing all the right things at the appropriate times: being obedient, speaking the right words, and trying so hard to please God, just like I try so hard to please everyone around me.  

As I processed that first response, I moved to the next – ambivalence. I’ve been working hard to obey God, and I’m not seeing movement. Everything has been progressing in the wrong direction. If obeying isn’t yielding results, then why bother trying? Then came the heart of the matter. I don’t trust God. I’ve tried to minimize it and say I trust God, but not in some areas. But let’s be honest; you either trust or you don’t. It’s like a lie is a lie. You either tell the truth or you’re lying. 

So, back to the question: Why would you obey someone you don’t trust? My answer is it’s all I have known – obeying. As a survivor of abuse, sexual assault, and more, my life has revolved around obedience since I was a little girl. I didn’t learn to trust. But I became proficient in pleasing others. From a young age, I understood that if I did and said what made people happy, it made me feel like maybe they might like me or go easier on me. And so my relationship with God has been one of obedience without trust. 

After working through the emotions that arose from that question, I finally reached a place where I questioned my beliefs. Do I think God is real? Yes. Do I believe Jesus died and rose again? Yes. How do I trust God? I’m still working on that one. I don’t yet know how to trust anyone without trying to please them.  

I’m now grateful for the question. It’s causing me to question the motivation behind my words and actions. It has also created a space for me to do more work on healing areas in me I couldn’t see were still so damaged. And although none of it feels good, it’s opened my eyes to my relationship with God. So, I leave you with these questions to ponder:  

Do you trust God? If not, then why would you obey someone you don’t trust?