My Top 6 Coping Strategies for Difficult Times

Dear Friend,

The dust and the smoke have settled, so hello from the other side. 

I am writing from the kitchen counter of my new apartment in the North Suburbs of Dallas. Unfortunately, it's overcast today and quite gloomy. I mention this because I don't think I've gotten used to the rainy days here. In Vegas, we had sunshine 360 of the 365 days of the year, so I'm often offended when the sun isn't out. I must admit, I'm still adjusting to this change, and it's been a bit challenging for me.

And while I know Texas needs to cool off, rain isn't optimal for my productivity. Nevertheless, here I am with my new favorite morning beverage (chlorophyll, chia seeds, and collagen), listening to low-fi music, and writing about my journey of navigating trust with God after a series of brutal and disappointing seasons. 

(This blog post builds on the previous blog and the latest podcast episode, where I shared how forgiving God transformed my life and how a single prayer sustained me through a hard season.)

Let's start with the hard truth: God already knows we don't trust Him. He knows the exact situation(s) that caused the breakdown. He knows the hour, the minute, and the second. If the Bible tells us that the very hairs on our heads are numbered (Luke 12:7), don't you think Heaven keeps accurate records of your emotional breaks? Don't you think He knows when you've shut down your heart?

The interesting thing about this, though, is that sometimes we are the last to know.

We are generally the last to know when our trust and faith in the God of our future have died, when we've armored against our lifeline, and when we've set our minds to go to war with the God of War. 

Fascinatingly, sometimes, we pretend that nothing has changed to keep moving forward. To say that we are okay, we lie to ourselves about the deep-seated pain. And then there are those of us who've become numb to the journey because we've carried it with us for so long and, therefore, stopped hoping for anything better. 

When I look at my life pre-career resignation, all of these were my realities at one time or another. When something would fail to come to pass or not go in my favor, I would set out to achieve something. As a result, achievement became like a drug to me. I would turn to it when my little feelings got hurt because I controlled the access to upward mobility. Academics love adding new lines to our CVs, and those new lines would shine favorably on my tenure case. Of course, accomplishments are not wrong, but when you try to achieve your way out of pain, you're setting yourself up for failure. And I was failing miserably.

And then, in one final stretch, God snatched my last pet idol away from me.

I now see that my career was what I depended on instead of God, and who would blame me? We all need money to survive because food isn't free, and gas isn't cheap. However, when you habitually choose to do something to meet your needs outside of God--no matter how false the comfort might be--you have created an idol. And I must confess that there were moments when I subconsciously forgot that God is my source.

Yet, this wasn't how God presented the conversation to me. Instead of directly confronting me about where I placed my trust, He offered me an option to journey down a new timeline.

Here's what I mean: the internal conversations about my resignation began in late 2021 (but they were more explicit in 2022), and it was presented as an opportunity to create generational wealth.

God showed me two timelines: 1) my life as a tenured professor, which would be successful, and 2) my life as a world thought leader. Both timelines were good options, but the latter would yield more significant impact and results. As you know, I chose the latter, but I first had to give up the life that I knew to grasp the new life He showed me entirely, and this is where the trauma began.

God's highlight reel is often glamorous. He'll show you the big picture, and we sign the agreement because we like what we see. However, rarely, if ever, do we see the fine print. The fine print details the hardship of the journey. It showcases the lions, tigers, and bears (oh my) that you'll fight. It highlights the moments when you'll attempt to abandon ship. In essence, it's where you'll see the real you. The you who doesn't trust and believe God. You know, the human side.

While God may not call you out of your prosperous career like me, He will call you out of something to get a higher rate of return on His investment. Consider John 15:2 (AMP): "Every branch in Me that does not bear fruit, He takes away; and every branch that continues to bear fruit, He [repeatedly] prunes, so that it will bear more fruit [even richer and finer fruit]."

We see that we will be pruned whether we bear fruit or not. 

The pruning process involves cutting back that which appears to be superfulous. If you need to learn what superfluous means, it means unnecessary. Now try to contextualize this definition in terms of us elevating in life.

If you're going to mount up with wings like eagles (Isaiah 40:31), or if you're going to run with the horses (Jeremiah 12:5), then you must be pruned for the next level. Essentially, God has to strip you of unnecessary things to prepare you for the next level. We must remember, though, that unnecessary things might not be bad. They may be good things, but they are only "good" on your current level.

So what do you do when God decides it's time for you to endure another pruning? How do you respond when everything within you screams, "This isn't fair"? How do you find the courage to stay in the race and not go to the sidelines? How do you trust when the God of your hope has crushed you again?

All of these questions swirled in my mind as I attempted to make it to the other side of last season. Now that I've overcome the disappointment, I have a few coping strategies that I'd like to share for your consideration.

1. Be honest: Playing hide and seek with the truth is a game we're destined to lose, especially when the opponent is an all-seeing God. Deception, even self-deception, adds no value to our life journey. When I took the bold step to be truthful to myself, God, and those around me, I initially felt vulnerable, but then, a sense of security engulfed me. Can you imagine the freedom that comes with embracing honesty?

   
   
   
   

2. Sit in it: Your discomfort is a part of your growth process. Yet, it's natural to want to flee from pain, to seek out immediate relief. But what if this season of struggle is more than just a moment of suffering? Of course, it's tempting to seek quick fixes, but they're often fleeting and can leave us with a lingering sense of regret. Remember, it's through weathering these storms that we truly discover our strength and reach the next phase of destiny.

   
   
   
   

3. Harness the Power of Now: In life's ebbs and flows, we often find ourselves tempted to strategize a way out. But what if the key isn't in the grand plan, but in the present moment? Have you ever noticed how a lamp's glow, though dim, can guide your steps in the dark? (Remember, God's Word is a lamp unto your feet and a light unto your path Psalm 119:105). During your personal growth journey, let's use that dim light to focus on the present, the 'now'. After all, isn't life a marathon rather than a sprint? It's easier, isn't it, to manage the day you're in than to try and outsmart the unknown future. Let's seize today, shall we? Embrace the power of now and watch as each day unfolds your unique journey.

   
   
   
   

4. Resist the urge to sabotage: Even though your decision-making may not be driven by a desire to sabotage, it could unintentionally lead you down that path. At times, it's hard to recognize this in the moment, but every decision, whether action or inaction, plays a significant role in shaping your future. I understand the pain may be overwhelming, but it's important to choose to keep progressing, even if tears cloud your vision.

   
   
   
   

5. Don't try to fast track: You cannot rush through life or speed up periods of growth or change. It's crucial to realize that some things can't be fast-tracked, no matter how much we might want them to be. The Bible tells us that God has his own timing and seasons, a gentle reminder that accumulating 'good deeds' won't necessarily speed up our progress. Remember, there's no extra credit for putting on a show, as God sees our true intentions. Our journey is individually tailored and not a race, so keep this in mind and be encouraged: Your success is on its own unique and divinely guided timeline.

   
   
   
   

6. Rest: Trying to push through discomfort is futile, so why not take a break instead? Remember that we work alongside Christ in this life. We are not in control, so we don't bear all the responsibility. Instead of attempting to take on too much, focus on your role and try to trust Him to handle the rest. It's crucial to rest, especially when you're feeling weary. Embrace the opportunity.

So if you find yourself between a rock and a hard place, or questioning your own strength just know that you’re more than capable to make it to the other side.

I just shared with you how I navigated through this challenging season and grew trust in my abilities again. Of course, it's important to remember, these strategies center on personal growth because that's what truly matters - our control over our reactions.

When life throws us unique curveballs, it's up to us to hit them out of the park. So when you find yourself in tough spots, remember that endurance brings strength and the promise of thriving awaits on the other side.

It's your journey, your victory.

Are you ready to claim it?