Now that I'm back in the dating world I can't help but wonder how I did it before. Well not how I did it per se, but how I could be so comfortable previously with doing it wrong. Perhaps it was the culture that I was in that validated certain actions, or maybe it was the mindset that I adopted at the time. Whatever the case may be, what is true is that I was destructive and possibly hurt more people than I care to admit.
When we seek love, companionship, marriages and others, I wonder if we count the cost of such interactions. What I mean is that I wonder if we thought about what it might take to make a thing work, what actions we might have to abandon, what thought processes we may have to challenge. In this season of dating, I can't help but reflect on the previous error of my ways.
I think about the times that I recklessly allowed people into my life, my heart. The moments that I cared less about the circumstance but more about the instant gratification. I wonder about the bodies that I tracked into my soul because I wanted to feel something...anything.
When I took a year off of dating, I didn't know that I would come back with new eyes. I didn't know that I would change. My desires would change. My heart would change. I thought that I was taking a break because I was tired. I was overwhelmingly tired, and didn't know how to rejuvenate myself.
Now that I'm back in the dating world of getting to know people, measuring their capacities, or the lack thereof, I desire a love that encourages me towards God. A love that challenges me to be holy and upright. A love that won't let me settle for the status quo. I believe in the love that wants me to grow in God, and not ridicule me for my convictions. The love that is sustainable because it is blessed by God. I believe in purity. Purity of thoughts, emotions, actions...
But, more importantly, I believe in the love built on Christ. Lately, I've been positioned to see several godly couples pursue God and each other and have found myself desiring the same thing. Now, these couples aren't older, but they are in my age group. I hear their stories and I find myself believing all over again that I am worth the wait.
I am worth the wait of coming into the knowledge of who I am. I am worth the weight of my emotions. I am worth the weight of my destiny. I am worth the wait because God thinks I am. There is not a bone in my body, now, that will allow me to settle for a feeling. How does this interaction bring glory to God? How does me trusting an individual bring us one step closer to destiny? How is your walk with Christ? What are you believing for? Me?
All of these questions and so many more are recorded in my interactions with people nowadays. I don't want to cheap dollar store interaction, but the one that will demand that you make decision to risk something and follow the leading of the Holy Spirit.
I desire a love that challenges me to act more like Christ everyday and be authentic about it.